Every once in a while, I open my blog and stare at it wondering how it all tapered off, because I really enjoyed writing with whatever little my mind could contain and flowed through my fingers. I spent a long time wondering which one was to be faulted – the mind or the fingers. When the mind was ready, the fingers were not and vice versa. As time passed, I found many reasons not to write - starting with the fear of attention giving way to self criticism, work – lots and lots of it spilling from one year to another and then other issues that made me burrow further into some bottomless pit that made me stare more at the blog with an endless writer’s block.

 

Every once in a while I would open a blank page, stare at it for a few minutes, type a paragraph of words that reflected my own senselessness and then discard it with a pretense that it never happened. A sense of failure is a bitter pill to swallow.

 

Along with it, I lost interest in many things, mainly the happenings around me. I no longer knew who was who and the ones I knew were fading images. I ceased to care and I hadn’t the patience to read anything at its full length. I went by headlines and that was the best I could do. Everything seemed to consume so much energy. And so, my world diminished to fit just me and the shadow that follows.

 

The last subject I attempted scribbling two long paragraphs had me squealing with laughter the next three weeks of lock down period.  I wondered if it had some semblance to what I might have turned into - A Rock!

 

As Mark Twain wrote, of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most. If I had the mind, I wouldn’t have lost what I derived such great pleasure from, which now feels like a Ter, a treasure perhaps never to be found.

 

But at the end of it, I am left with a lesson – persistence is everything. Take a short break and risk treading a deviated track from where there’s no turning back or start right at zero point. And this is relevant to almost everything in life.

4 Responses
  1. PaSsuDiary Says:

    Congratulations to your first post in more than 2 year.

    You are not alone. It's happening to us all.
    But this piece is beautiful to restart with.

    I think it's time to come back once more.


  2. Kinga Choden Says:

    Passu - always generous with words! :) Thank you!


  3. I thought I was the only one! Please continue to keep it updated ( I also try hard to though most of the time it's rubbish)


  4. Kinga Choden Says:

    Hi Tshewang
    I bet gold and diamonds were perhaps discovered from a pile of rubbish! Keep writing :)


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